Lawrence of Arabica
by Random Guise
Summary: Another Coffee Time Films parody, this time a short one-shot of Lawrence of Arabia. An AU of the real reason he went riding around in the desert. I don't own these characters, and I've never been on a camel.


**A/N: As always, click on the book cover art for the fake movie poster. Who knew that Lawrence was in Arabia for another reason?**

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Lawrence of Arabica

"Lawrence, sir" the officer stated as he entered the room through the previously closed door.

"Send him in" General Murray ordered. Mr. Dryden of the British Arab Bureau said nothing as he stood nearby.

Lieutenant Thomas Edward Lawrence entered the office and stood before the general who was sitting at his desk. The general made known his overall displeasure of Lawrence, and the job he had been doing in Cairo specifically. At Dryden's urging he assigned Lawrence to the man for three months and bid him to leave the office as quickly as possible. Lawrence accompanied Dryden outside of the general's office into the main room.

"Care for a cup?" Dryden asked, waving toward a servant with a tea service tray.

"No thank you," Lawrence said flatly "I can't abide the stuff." Most of the various clerks and staff froze at this comment, tantamount to insulting England itself.

"You've being given a special assignment in the Arabian Peninsula, Lieutenant. It's for those types of comments that General Murray thinks it's a mistake to send you; I think differently. You speak your mind, and you're not cut from the same cloth as the rest of the officers here; I think you're just the man for the job. Not only will your education not get in the way, it may benefit you as well."

"I would think you need someone to blend in, be unseen and all that."

"Impossible to not be seen. You'll be a white man in an Arab world, even when you are in Aqaba; you'll stand out like a sore thumb regardless of your demeanor and it's said the Arabs admire boldness. And that's one thing you've got Lawrence, boldness. Keep that in mind because you'll need every advantage you can get. Now for the details" Dryden said loudly to get the attention of the rest of the room "I'll need to give you some top secret intelligence about the enemy. Come with me out on the balcony." Both men stepped through the doorway and Dryden closed the door behind him.

"I take it this is when you tell me my real mission, not the one discussed for everyone else to hear" Lawrence said with a wry smile.

Dryden looked over the young lieutenant. What this man lacked in experience, he seemed to make up with intelligence and moxie. "You seem to have a good understanding of how these things work. Right. It's true that we'd like to use the local tribes down there to help undermine the Turks, but we have a more important reason. What do you know about coffee?"

"It's a damn sight better than tea for a drink."

"I don't agree with you, but an important part of the world does. Coffee is growing into a big business, and England needs a piece of it. We have India for tea, but a good coffee growing region eludes us. There is an area on the southern Arabian peninsula in the hill country that grows Arabica coffee; it's the only place that's native to the plant besides Ethiopia. We have some interests in Africa, but we think the area too unstable to be dependable at this time. But this is our chance to get a foothold on another location."

"Why not just deal directly with the Turks?"

Dryden sighed. "The Ottoman Empire is a thing of the past; the world is changing and we need to get our proverbial foot in the door when it does. Along those lines, your official mission is to help a local by the name of Prince Faisal cause trouble with the Turks to convince them to abandon the area. But we want you to also look around and ask a some questions about coffee. We need to get in with those that will be in charge after this bloody war so that we can negotiate some business with them."

"And do I have any specific orders as to how I should do this?"

"You'll be contacted by our Colonel Brighton who will have more knowledge of the area once you get there. I have to warn you, it will be dangerous. The land is unforgiving and the people nearly so. If they think you are being underhanded or a traitor they will deal with you in ways that are most unpleasant. And you'll have to walk a fine line between tribes that have hated each other for generations. I don't relish sending you, but the matter is urgent and the request comes from the highest sources."

"In other words, I'm expendable" Lawrence said with a slight grin.

"We're all expendable, to some degree or other. The general seems to think you are completely so. That's worked to our advantage so far; I managed to get you enough time to work at both your official mission and the coffee recon."

"As much as a fool's errand this might be, I am a soldier and will do as I am asked" Lawrence said with a decided lack of enthusiasm. "But it's got do be better than dying a slow death doing a clerk's work here in Cairo."

"Good man. Let's go back in and we'll get you on your way. It'll be the adventure of a lifetime."

The End

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 **A/N: I was minding my own business, when I saw a commercial online for coffee that mentioned Arabica beans. I thought to myself how Arabica was just one letter off from Arabia, and then the title fell into place. From there I just had to make the poster, and then a story to fit. At least the story isn't a three hour endurance feat.**


End file.
